I am still here, I just don't want to talk.

Just before Christmas Verizon Wireless sent me a gift. I call it a gift because... well, they gave it to me. We had ordered a battery for one of our phones and when the box arrived it seemed a bit heavy. The latest and greatest Blackberry Storm, kit and kaboodle was accidentally placed in our box and sent. Sheldon was kinda pissed, he called and told them they better not charge his credit card (I laughed, like he had enough on that credit card to cover a Blackberry Storm!) they told him that it was an an accident and that they would send a tracking number to us so that we could send it back to them... ok. Well, honestly, they never sent us anything.

After a month went by and no one came a knocking down the door I was "allowed" to activate it. I have a love/hate relationship with this bit of technology, this brick in my purse. It is a lot of phone. Now, with him gone... I can't let it out of my sight. All email, Facebook, phone calls and texts make this thing come to life. My spam filters are set to max but of course, with a 13 year old email address, some of the shit gets through and wakes me up at 3 am. But I can't turn it off. I can't ignore it. I get no sleep. I am married to a phone.

So, here is the bottom line. I am here. In El Paso. Loving and Hating my phone. Thanks for calling to check up on me, really. Please don't leave a voice mail, I'll call ya back when I am ready. I just can't handle anymore questions.

V

Iraq Bound

I put off actually thinking about how much I was going to miss everybody until 6 hours before my flight and then it hit me pretty hard. The thought of spending one less year with everybody to include pets was what hit me most. I was only living in the moment for the last few weeks instead of looking forward at this deployment. It made it easier to just enjoy everyone's company. I think it helped Veronica too because there were not as many crying times as I thought there would be. She really surprised with how strong she has been this time around. I will miss her most of all. I was doing pretty good on the flight until the movie started..."Marley and Me". A sad movie about losing your dog and with Marley and Gage both being labs. It hits to close to home. The movie made me miss my pets too. Poor Meeks who will be mad at me for a long time. For those of you that don't know, she was my first pet and I am her favorite. If I have overnight duty or am gone for a few days then it takes her a few days to stop hissing at me. I know Flex, our other cat, will keep Veronica snuggled. It's the other thing he is good at. Eating is his greatest occurrence. He is a 20lb cat. I will miss Zoe looking at me with the sweetest eyes. Most of all, I will miss my wife. I guess I am going to have to find someone else to take care of me for a year. Jut kidding honey. I love you. I will try to keep everyone updated on here.

Ok

I have been on vacation. Not just the go out of town type of vacation. A mental vacation too. And it has been nice. Plus we got to go to Colorado, and it really snowed. I needed the snow. And I got to see my kick ass friends and (most of, sorry, Lil) their kids.

Dad is doing better. He was released from the hospital in Florida last week and the angel, Daryll, brought him home. My turn is coming. I think Dad will be coming to spend some time with me here in El Paso for a little while. And why not? With Sheldon deploying for an undisclosed amount of months and Brittany soon to depart for the Air Force, a girl could get lonely out here in the desert without her people. Besides, I am sure he misses his grand-dogs. Who wouldn't?

Sheldon was supposed to leave this Sunday (in 2 and a half days) but found out yesterday that they are not leaving til mid-May. Hell-Yeah! a million times, Hell-Yeah! F-bomb expletive, Hell-Yeah! Sorry, I'll get down off the desk and finsh.

So things were bad, and they got a little better. What more can you ask for? Besides a winning Lotto ticket... I'll settle for any amount for decent news these days though.

Love, V

Layers

Double Dutch Chocolate Ice Cream, topped with Chocolate Ganache, with Chocolate Shavings and Coco Powder on Top...

That is what my week feels like. Only instead of Chocolate... we are talking about stress and drama. The deployment is still happening in about two weeks. Instead of going on a mini vacation to Colorado... we are heading to Florida, because my Dad is in the hospital, he was visiting friends and ended up having a heart attack last week. While my brothers and sister and I scramble to get there from the four corners of the country, he also had a stroke.

Other fun factors include adjusting to life with an 18 yr old niece living with us and the odd language barrier, makes me feel really old... the real estate issues in Alabama and Tennessee, with the cost of paint and busted pipes... canceled vacations, abandoning my dogs, oil changes, sand storms, falling on a cactus, last ditch efforts with baby making....... blah, blah, yada, yada.

Like the worst gooey pile of layered stress imaginable, I feel like washing it all down the sink with hot water. Really hot water.

V

Just Doing It

Running used to be part of my job and I hated it. When I was in my late teens and early twenties and running more than 15-20 miles a week, I did not think much of it. I was told when and where to show up and blowing it off was never an option (well, sometimes I'd come up with a good excuse.) Ugh, but I dreaded it. I hated the long slow runs, the fast short runs, I hated running with the company, with small groups, I hated running by myself. I hated running trails and I hated the track and if I had to run on a treadmill, I'd fall off and cause a scene just to get out of it. I had a friend once that ran in the front of formation with me and we guided a whole platoon over a patch of ice just so we could fall out, because I hated running when it was cold. I really could not stand running when it was hot out though. I hated running shoes. I have witnesses that can attest to my detestation of moving my feet rapidly on pavement. I failed my PT test more times than I care to admit because I hate to run. Two miles was my enemy. Two miles felt like ten and ten miles felt like... who am I kidding? I've never run ten miles. I thought, "When I get out of the Army I will never run again..."

Now I am 36 years old. I hate the sound of it. But I did read once that runners are in their prime in their 30's. I am going to put my faith and belief in that. I hope that it is true. I really hope it is true because for some reason I have decided to run a half marathon in September. My crazy friend Megan did it last week. Last year Karen ran a half on the Great Wall of China. I need inspiration, so I think of them when I run. Today I ran and passed a PT test in my first two miles, then I walked a mile and thought about how I could dig deep and crank out a few more miles. And then I ran another three miles. I finally found the fabled "zone" that everyone always talks about and I know now, today, that I can really do this. I know at the very least I can finish the 13.1 miles walking in a decent time. But the point is that I am going to do it. Just do it. Except not the whole Nike thing, my feet are too fat for Nikes. Wish me luck.

Let's catch up...

I still can't believe that we live in Texas... It kinda seems like a joke. A very weird joke. My bedroom is still a total mess of Veronica clothing spilling from their boxes. I hate it. But this house feels like home to all of us. Speaking of all of us, my oldest niece, Brittany, has moved in with us for a few months. Honestly, it is wonderful to have her here, she keeps me company and goes to the gym with me every chance we get. Britt has enlisted in the Air Force and is trying to get in shape for Basic Training and that only keeps me motivated to workout as much as humanly possible. We are a good pair. And she is a sweet girl. She likes to help cook and that would be great if it wasn't so hard for me to share my kitchen. I am a total control freak and since we are all trying to figure out where everything goes, it tends to be a little challenging, but I'll get over it. Maybe. Brittany leaves at the end of June and until then I am just going to enjoy having her here. I just don't know if our female cat will ever warm up to her, I tried to explain to her not to take it so personal. Meeks hates everyone except Sheldon, she tolerates me.

Sheldon found out that he is going to be leaving for Iraq the first week of May. I am in denial about it and honestly am not that upset about it yet. Yet. We'll see how that unfolds but at least Britt will still be here with me for a while after he goes. That will be nice. The (sorta) good news is that Sheldon is going to be in charge of an S-3 shop, which means nothing to you civilians... really it means that he will be running the behind the scenes stuff of combat (the office job of soldiering) and the bottom line... not directly in harm's way. Much. (yay.) Knowing him though, he'll still go out on missions on his down time. Don't tell his mom.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Mom's passing. I have to work in the morning, I thought about taking it off but I have no place to go to be with her in peace and quiet. I feel a bit lost here in that sense. I am homesick the most when I think of her. I guess I felt close to her everywhere I went in Columbus because that was her town, I could drive by the old Baker High School and think of her with a bit of ease and comfort that I can't find here. She is not in El Paso. Except that Brittany is here.

Hugs from Texas,
V

Settling in El Paso Style

There are about six boxes left to unpack (Yay!) All of which are labeled "MBR CLOSET" which means it is my stuff and will never be done (Boo!) But the kitchen is done and beautiful and clean, that makes me happy! Both sides of the garage are clean except for the mountain of empty boxes that the movers will come back for today, guess whose car is left out in the cold? Mine.

I know I have said it before but I have to say it again, I love El Paso. The people here are really nice. The scenery is wonderful. Our house is Great. And it is winter so I don't hate the heat yet. All in all things are great over here.

I am missing my friends a lot but strangely I am missing Karen more than usual... and for those of you who do not know, I have been missing Karen for more than three years since she moved to Thailand, and even before that when she was in DC... I guess it is just something about this climate that reminds me of her (she is from Phoenix)and makes me wish we could talk more. That and she started this killer blog about her life in Thailand and she has a way better camera than me and two super cute kids to take picture of on elephants and doing all kinds of cool stuff... she makes me want to overhaul my blog and jazz it up a bit. But I am not feeling creative today... maybe later.

It has been two weeks since we left and I am just starting to realize how much I miss everyone though. I am hoping that we start receiving visitors soon (hint, hint). I have two guest rooms. Well, one is occupied right now. My niece is staying with us for a few weeks till she takes off for the Air Force. It is nice to spend this time with her, but it makes me glad that I am not 18 again!

I have really been an insomniac lately. Like now, and I am totally tired and delirious but can't sleep. I need a job. I worry too much. Maybe I should go back to bed....