Thursday, March 25, 2010
Hi. I am back.
Has it been a year? It is almost April. I am ok. Truth be told: I have been ok this whole time. I have just been... here. I still love El Paso. I know that seems odd, that I would love it here so much and be so happy here even with Sheldon gone and all of my people sp far away, but I do. I hope that each of you can come visit one day. This is a city with no agenda. Like a friend that you can lean on and then for whatever reason never asks for a favor in return. And I have enjoyed my solitude, I know that one day, I will long for the quiet time that I have had this year. I will miss my very own pace, when I have to share my life and my home with Sheldon and listen to the dreaded sound of football. But maybe he will enjoy and appreciate all that I have fallen in love with this year when he gets home. A few more weeks...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Art of Being Selfish
My sister and I got in a huge fight once (please keep your snide comments about how we always fight to yourself, we are trying to grow up and recover) and she told me I was the Most Selfish Person Ever. Ever. I think a normal person would counter that accusation with a five-year-old's response, "Am Not!"
I didn't.
I mean, come on, I was single. Actually, I had been divorced for many years at that time, which is worse than just being single, in my mind, anyway... Marcey was married with three kids of her own and a step-son already, and despite the fact that we are only 15 months apart in age, she had recently crossed over into the darkness of her 30's and I was going to forever be 20 something.
I wish.
I really was a very selfish person at that time. But how is that bad? I lived the single life, I was very far away from any family, I worked and went to school and had hobbies and crazy friendships and boyfriends. Duh, of course I was selfish. Who else was I to focus on? Sometimes it is a bit harder to find yourself than to lose your identity to your husband and children. I never did blame my sister for thinking or saying that aloud because, compared to her, I was selfish. But just because it looks like fun to others doesn't mean that it is. Well, some of it was fun, some of it was rather lonely though.
Then suddenly I wasn't lonely... I mean, selfish, anymore!
I have to say that I love my husband and I love being married and, although we long for our own kids, I do enjoy the freedoms of being childless. I enjoy devoting all of my relationship energy on our marriage, I realize not everyone has that luxury, not even after their children are long gone from the nest. (I hear you are never really rid of them kritters.) So I suppose, in a way, I am still rather selfish.
But not really.
With Sheldon deployed I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't have any money, with the whole lack-of-a-job thing, but we can all use a little more cash these days. I think everyone wishes they had more time or more money and maybe they'd do more for others. Maybe they would try to take care of those who need a little extra help? Maybe they'd lose a little bit of their own hair by trying to reason with someone else's teenager? Maybe they'd hug and kiss on other peoples' babies even though it hurts to do so? Maybe they'd volunteer to pass out cookies at the USO? Maybe they'd take a whole morning, an entire afternoon or sit well into the evening sipping coffee with an old friend? or a new friend? Maybe they'd make a real sacrifice and drink a really great beer instead? Maybe they'd go on a 5,000 mile road trip and try to visit as many friends and family as they could before they were out of time and money? Before they had get home to take care of cats and worry about things that aren't helped by worry?
Or maybe Not.
Maybe they'll just sit at home and be selfish. And suck.
confidential p.s. : It is called a different time zone. 6 am for you is 4 am for me. Don't ever text me that early again. Ever. Thanks.
I didn't.
I mean, come on, I was single. Actually, I had been divorced for many years at that time, which is worse than just being single, in my mind, anyway... Marcey was married with three kids of her own and a step-son already, and despite the fact that we are only 15 months apart in age, she had recently crossed over into the darkness of her 30's and I was going to forever be 20 something.
I wish.
I really was a very selfish person at that time. But how is that bad? I lived the single life, I was very far away from any family, I worked and went to school and had hobbies and crazy friendships and boyfriends. Duh, of course I was selfish. Who else was I to focus on? Sometimes it is a bit harder to find yourself than to lose your identity to your husband and children. I never did blame my sister for thinking or saying that aloud because, compared to her, I was selfish. But just because it looks like fun to others doesn't mean that it is. Well, some of it was fun, some of it was rather lonely though.
Then suddenly I wasn't lonely... I mean, selfish, anymore!
I have to say that I love my husband and I love being married and, although we long for our own kids, I do enjoy the freedoms of being childless. I enjoy devoting all of my relationship energy on our marriage, I realize not everyone has that luxury, not even after their children are long gone from the nest. (I hear you are never really rid of them kritters.) So I suppose, in a way, I am still rather selfish.
But not really.
With Sheldon deployed I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't have any money, with the whole lack-of-a-job thing, but we can all use a little more cash these days. I think everyone wishes they had more time or more money and maybe they'd do more for others. Maybe they would try to take care of those who need a little extra help? Maybe they'd lose a little bit of their own hair by trying to reason with someone else's teenager? Maybe they'd hug and kiss on other peoples' babies even though it hurts to do so? Maybe they'd volunteer to pass out cookies at the USO? Maybe they'd take a whole morning, an entire afternoon or sit well into the evening sipping coffee with an old friend? or a new friend? Maybe they'd make a real sacrifice and drink a really great beer instead? Maybe they'd go on a 5,000 mile road trip and try to visit as many friends and family as they could before they were out of time and money? Before they had get home to take care of cats and worry about things that aren't helped by worry?
Or maybe Not.
Maybe they'll just sit at home and be selfish. And suck.
confidential p.s. : It is called a different time zone. 6 am for you is 4 am for me. Don't ever text me that early again. Ever. Thanks.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
So sad the trip has ended...
I wish I was better about updating about my trip across the country. I still can't believe I did it! I went nearly 5,000 miles by myself (yes, I got the oil changed, honey) with almost no back tracking. As you know from the previous blog, I spent a glorious week in Denver, four stunning days in Cedar Rapids, and another fun filled week in Detroit with the best in-laws ever. Carole, my mother-in-law, Crystal, Sheldon's sister, and her two wonderful kids kept me well entertained when I was not entertaining them... Crystal wanted me to openly admit, in my own blog, to ripping her stupid midget door off its hinges and falling down the stairs with it IN MY HANDS... maybe she can hire a contractor to get that fixed... maybe not the same shoddy husband/contractor that hung the door in the first place (Jason!) whatev, just an idea. I might have been a bit drunk when all of this happened, that is all I remember. Oh, except the part where I was so mortified I almost cried and they laughed at me, in my face. Nice. When I was not shattering their home I was helping to decorate for, my niece, Madison's first birthday party. They scored a perfect white canopy tent for the back yard cookout party and I have to say the day was wonderful and perfect. And Madison ate her whole entire cake and didn't get any icing on her white dress that Uncle Sheldon bought for her. Everyone missed him that day and wished he could have been there, especially me. Our nephew Alex would have loved throwing Uncle Sheldon in the pool too.
I made a pit stop in Clarksville, TN to see our property out there. After a pipe busting fiasco this past winter we had nearly all of the walls and flooring replaced and that sucker is about ready to be put on the market. I got to have lunch with an old friend of mine from Recruiting School, Joe Morra and he offered to help with getting the yard and outside of the house a little TLC. That was sweet and then I high tailed it out of there. I never did like Clarksville. With the home state mere hours away, I blazed through Nashville without stopping. Nadeen, my oldest and very best, most cherished friend of my life had left her porch light on for me out by the lake...
My nearly two week stay in Georgia was spent between between Nadeen's, my double cousins, Brandee and Breanna's house in Norcross, Dad's in Snellville and the Skank Motel (it is a joke) in Columbus. I was not as efficent with my time as I could have been, it was a little overwhelming to be home and know that I had such a precious few days to do and see everything I wanted to do. Some of the highlights were going to my favorite Thai place with the girls in Columbus, of course I had an amazing dinner at Hunter's Pub (duh!) I got to see the Columbus cousins, Christopher, Selena & Ritchie, Kaleigh, Kourney, Loni & Danny, Jaden, Laena, and Karina. Ugh, I just love them so much! My heart just aches for having precious time with my wonderful extended family. I miss living down the road from you guys. You have no idea. I got to spend a little bit of quality time with the Norcross cousins as well. Quality time that included listening to Brandee scream at Big Brother and So You Think You Can Dance! We also got to go eat at our favorite noodle place. Nadeen had a cookout at the lake and it was a mini reunion for us with Cheryl (Tobin) Ingles and Stef (Seagle) Whitlock and their families. A day at the lake (just like when we were kids) was exactly what we all needed before they all headed back to school. We even got to abuse the kids a bit by dragging them behind the boat... Fun Day!
Dad is doing better, health wise, for all who have asked (thanks!) He is a lot more mobile and getting stronger. He still has a bit of a struggle with word associations and a few names (whose fault is it your named your twin sons Daniel and Daryll?) need a second or two to remember. I tried to have a yard sale for him, but it was kind of a bust. So we gave up and went to a BBQ at Daniel's farm house in Cumming on the last day of my visit. My brothers know a thing or two about some cookin' (and ladies, they are single...) Man, I mean, they can flat cook! Mom would be proud. That is all I am going to say about that... (it was real good!) My brothers and I had been used to being geographically distant while they were growing up, but yet again, I got spoiled living so close to them for the past few years. I hate saying goodbye to them, I really do.
I spent one last night in Gainesville with Nadeen and Mark before getting up early to drive back to Texas. Turns out, that was a good idea. With plenty of rest I powered through to Dallas, slept a couple hours at a rest stop, and made it back to El Paso in under 28 hours total. Not bad. Now that I am here, I am remembering how quiet and lonely it is. But the cats missed me, the dogs missed their yard that was over grown with weeds, and I know it is my job to hold down the Fort.
Fort Jones.
Home Sweet Home.
(I LOVE MY BED!!!)
Maybe I'll get one of those actual real JOBS...
V
I made a pit stop in Clarksville, TN to see our property out there. After a pipe busting fiasco this past winter we had nearly all of the walls and flooring replaced and that sucker is about ready to be put on the market. I got to have lunch with an old friend of mine from Recruiting School, Joe Morra and he offered to help with getting the yard and outside of the house a little TLC. That was sweet and then I high tailed it out of there. I never did like Clarksville. With the home state mere hours away, I blazed through Nashville without stopping. Nadeen, my oldest and very best, most cherished friend of my life had left her porch light on for me out by the lake...
My nearly two week stay in Georgia was spent between between Nadeen's, my double cousins, Brandee and Breanna's house in Norcross, Dad's in Snellville and the Skank Motel (it is a joke) in Columbus. I was not as efficent with my time as I could have been, it was a little overwhelming to be home and know that I had such a precious few days to do and see everything I wanted to do. Some of the highlights were going to my favorite Thai place with the girls in Columbus, of course I had an amazing dinner at Hunter's Pub (duh!) I got to see the Columbus cousins, Christopher, Selena & Ritchie, Kaleigh, Kourney, Loni & Danny, Jaden, Laena, and Karina. Ugh, I just love them so much! My heart just aches for having precious time with my wonderful extended family. I miss living down the road from you guys. You have no idea. I got to spend a little bit of quality time with the Norcross cousins as well. Quality time that included listening to Brandee scream at Big Brother and So You Think You Can Dance! We also got to go eat at our favorite noodle place. Nadeen had a cookout at the lake and it was a mini reunion for us with Cheryl (Tobin) Ingles and Stef (Seagle) Whitlock and their families. A day at the lake (just like when we were kids) was exactly what we all needed before they all headed back to school. We even got to abuse the kids a bit by dragging them behind the boat... Fun Day!
Dad is doing better, health wise, for all who have asked (thanks!) He is a lot more mobile and getting stronger. He still has a bit of a struggle with word associations and a few names (whose fault is it your named your twin sons Daniel and Daryll?) need a second or two to remember. I tried to have a yard sale for him, but it was kind of a bust. So we gave up and went to a BBQ at Daniel's farm house in Cumming on the last day of my visit. My brothers know a thing or two about some cookin' (and ladies, they are single...) Man, I mean, they can flat cook! Mom would be proud. That is all I am going to say about that... (it was real good!) My brothers and I had been used to being geographically distant while they were growing up, but yet again, I got spoiled living so close to them for the past few years. I hate saying goodbye to them, I really do.
I spent one last night in Gainesville with Nadeen and Mark before getting up early to drive back to Texas. Turns out, that was a good idea. With plenty of rest I powered through to Dallas, slept a couple hours at a rest stop, and made it back to El Paso in under 28 hours total. Not bad. Now that I am here, I am remembering how quiet and lonely it is. But the cats missed me, the dogs missed their yard that was over grown with weeds, and I know it is my job to hold down the Fort.
Fort Jones.
Home Sweet Home.
(I LOVE MY BED!!!)
Maybe I'll get one of those actual real JOBS...
V
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Don't threaten to run away from home... just go.
So, I held my breath and he did not come back. As Sheldon settled into his gig in the dreaded desert, I got a little restless. So I packed it up, loaded the dogs and left El Paso. I was supposed to hangout til September and run a half marathon with the Army wives, but training in El Paso proved to be a little too difficult for me. When the weather is mild there it only gets to 95. Otherwise it hits triple digits by 9am. No Thanks. Driving with the windows down, as fast as allowed, through the desert seemed more my speed. So I headed north to Colorado, where else? I spent the better part of a week between Colorado Springs and Longmont. The first stop, was breakfast with Leigh (Verzyl) Wright and her GORGEOUS family in the Springs. For those of you who don't know, Leigh is the girl that insisted on going with me to Basic Training all those years ago. We parted ways early, took different paths, but even after all these years we remain rooted and bonded by more than just high school history or Army adventures. It was wonderful to see her and meet her husband and children... and dogs.
I got back on course and made it to Denver to see Michelle and her kiddos for lunch in the park that first day before settling in in Longmont with my Colorado hostess with the mostest, Lisa. Gage knocked over her "Dogs Welcome" sign and made himself at home with Aunt Lisa. While we were there we got to enjoy early mornings at the dog park, then coffee on the porch with Lisa, Cassia and our dog buddies, Credence and Riggs. Afternoons were spent with Karen, also visiting, from Thailand, with her mini internationals: Sara and George. Karen, my friend from Basic Training and AIT, is the girl that tricked me into moving to Boulder in 1995 after we got off active duty (the first time.) We got to spend more time with Michelle and her Lily, Ally, from Winter Park, with her snow bunnies, Emerson and Madigan, and also made a trip up the big hill to see The Archers and their new mountain man, Mr Soren, and his big sisters Elia and Eden. I mention all these folks because they read this blog and also so that it can be known that I was on a mission to be with my people, and their children, and also their dogs.
I almost could not bear to leave the place that most feels like MY home. The Boulder area has always been my place. Despite the hippie vibe and yuppie influence, it makes sense to me, it is comfortable and comforting and yet, shiny and new everyday. The weather and the people are perfect and wonderful. I hate seeing Boulder in my rear view, so I left late at night and suffered Nebraska in the dark, and inched my way to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Amanda, is my favorite girlfriend from Ft Bragg, she is the girl that always got my jokes, my partner in crime. I can't figure out if it is a good thing or a bad thing that she always lets me act as stupid as I want. In any case, Amanda found a home in a cornfield with her husband and kids and dogs, she tries to act like a grownup out there and I guess she puts on a pretty good routine because those folks seem to be buying, I just had to see it to believe it. While we were there Zoe and Gage got to poop on the corn... (say it out loud)... there's the joke. We also go tto go to the Field of Dreams!!! I hope the post cards were enough, we are on a budget. It was pretty cool, but Iowa rumor has it that they are going to tear it down soon. I hope they are wrong, they built it, I went and truth be told... I'd go again, next time it will be with Sheldon. Next time... I loved visiting Iowa, it feels so Americana and fresh. The cornfields are simply magnificent and I am a huge fan of big red barns. I also got to visit a couple of new girlfriends, Dawn and Becky Clark. We met last year in the Czech Republic and they just so happen to live in the Cedar Rapids area... all the more reason to go there. Amanda's corn fed cuties, Ragan and Emeri were impossible to say goodbye to, so I left at first light without a proper goodbye. I hate that. But before I left the great state of Iowa, I stopped at a road side stand to pick up some sweetcorn for my mother-in-law, but get this: there was no attendant at the veggie stand. It was Self Serve!!! There was a box next to the corn that said "Please pay here" Well, the honor system is all well and good but I needed change for a $5 (it was a dozen ears for $4) so those dang farmers got over on me but by the time I got to Detroit with the corn and had it for dinner, I was over it and realized it was worth a dollar tip. Iowa is kinda like heaven and I kinda miss it.
My mother-in-law Carole is my gardening nemisis. I love her and I love visiting without the winter hastles that Detroit has to offer but her garden is a reminder of my inferiority to my husband's mother. I let Gage pee on her flowers because I suspect they are made of steel anyway. Just kidding. Kinda. Sheldon's birthday is this week and I plan on spending it with his Mom and Sister and our nephew Alex and our niece and 1st birthday girl, Madison. Madison is having a big birthday bash on Sunday and I am super excited to see her in a white dess (that Uncle Sheldon bought) eating cake. She has blue eyes and smiles a lot, like Sheldon.
Stay tuned...
I got back on course and made it to Denver to see Michelle and her kiddos for lunch in the park that first day before settling in in Longmont with my Colorado hostess with the mostest, Lisa. Gage knocked over her "Dogs Welcome" sign and made himself at home with Aunt Lisa. While we were there we got to enjoy early mornings at the dog park, then coffee on the porch with Lisa, Cassia and our dog buddies, Credence and Riggs. Afternoons were spent with Karen, also visiting, from Thailand, with her mini internationals: Sara and George. Karen, my friend from Basic Training and AIT, is the girl that tricked me into moving to Boulder in 1995 after we got off active duty (the first time.) We got to spend more time with Michelle and her Lily, Ally, from Winter Park, with her snow bunnies, Emerson and Madigan, and also made a trip up the big hill to see The Archers and their new mountain man, Mr Soren, and his big sisters Elia and Eden. I mention all these folks because they read this blog and also so that it can be known that I was on a mission to be with my people, and their children, and also their dogs.
I almost could not bear to leave the place that most feels like MY home. The Boulder area has always been my place. Despite the hippie vibe and yuppie influence, it makes sense to me, it is comfortable and comforting and yet, shiny and new everyday. The weather and the people are perfect and wonderful. I hate seeing Boulder in my rear view, so I left late at night and suffered Nebraska in the dark, and inched my way to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Amanda, is my favorite girlfriend from Ft Bragg, she is the girl that always got my jokes, my partner in crime. I can't figure out if it is a good thing or a bad thing that she always lets me act as stupid as I want. In any case, Amanda found a home in a cornfield with her husband and kids and dogs, she tries to act like a grownup out there and I guess she puts on a pretty good routine because those folks seem to be buying, I just had to see it to believe it. While we were there Zoe and Gage got to poop on the corn... (say it out loud)... there's the joke. We also go tto go to the Field of Dreams!!! I hope the post cards were enough, we are on a budget. It was pretty cool, but Iowa rumor has it that they are going to tear it down soon. I hope they are wrong, they built it, I went and truth be told... I'd go again, next time it will be with Sheldon. Next time... I loved visiting Iowa, it feels so Americana and fresh. The cornfields are simply magnificent and I am a huge fan of big red barns. I also got to visit a couple of new girlfriends, Dawn and Becky Clark. We met last year in the Czech Republic and they just so happen to live in the Cedar Rapids area... all the more reason to go there. Amanda's corn fed cuties, Ragan and Emeri were impossible to say goodbye to, so I left at first light without a proper goodbye. I hate that. But before I left the great state of Iowa, I stopped at a road side stand to pick up some sweetcorn for my mother-in-law, but get this: there was no attendant at the veggie stand. It was Self Serve!!! There was a box next to the corn that said "Please pay here" Well, the honor system is all well and good but I needed change for a $5 (it was a dozen ears for $4) so those dang farmers got over on me but by the time I got to Detroit with the corn and had it for dinner, I was over it and realized it was worth a dollar tip. Iowa is kinda like heaven and I kinda miss it.
My mother-in-law Carole is my gardening nemisis. I love her and I love visiting without the winter hastles that Detroit has to offer but her garden is a reminder of my inferiority to my husband's mother. I let Gage pee on her flowers because I suspect they are made of steel anyway. Just kidding. Kinda. Sheldon's birthday is this week and I plan on spending it with his Mom and Sister and our nephew Alex and our niece and 1st birthday girl, Madison. Madison is having a big birthday bash on Sunday and I am super excited to see her in a white dess (that Uncle Sheldon bought) eating cake. She has blue eyes and smiles a lot, like Sheldon.
Stay tuned...
Friday, May 15, 2009
I am still here, I just don't want to talk.
Just before Christmas Verizon Wireless sent me a gift. I call it a gift because... well, they gave it to me. We had ordered a battery for one of our phones and when the box arrived it seemed a bit heavy. The latest and greatest Blackberry Storm, kit and kaboodle was accidentally placed in our box and sent. Sheldon was kinda pissed, he called and told them they better not charge his credit card (I laughed, like he had enough on that credit card to cover a Blackberry Storm!) they told him that it was an an accident and that they would send a tracking number to us so that we could send it back to them... ok. Well, honestly, they never sent us anything.
After a month went by and no one came a knocking down the door I was "allowed" to activate it. I have a love/hate relationship with this bit of technology, this brick in my purse. It is a lot of phone. Now, with him gone... I can't let it out of my sight. All email, Facebook, phone calls and texts make this thing come to life. My spam filters are set to max but of course, with a 13 year old email address, some of the shit gets through and wakes me up at 3 am. But I can't turn it off. I can't ignore it. I get no sleep. I am married to a phone.
So, here is the bottom line. I am here. In El Paso. Loving and Hating my phone. Thanks for calling to check up on me, really. Please don't leave a voice mail, I'll call ya back when I am ready. I just can't handle anymore questions.
V
After a month went by and no one came a knocking down the door I was "allowed" to activate it. I have a love/hate relationship with this bit of technology, this brick in my purse. It is a lot of phone. Now, with him gone... I can't let it out of my sight. All email, Facebook, phone calls and texts make this thing come to life. My spam filters are set to max but of course, with a 13 year old email address, some of the shit gets through and wakes me up at 3 am. But I can't turn it off. I can't ignore it. I get no sleep. I am married to a phone.
So, here is the bottom line. I am here. In El Paso. Loving and Hating my phone. Thanks for calling to check up on me, really. Please don't leave a voice mail, I'll call ya back when I am ready. I just can't handle anymore questions.
V
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Iraq Bound
I put off actually thinking about how much I was going to miss everybody until 6 hours before my flight and then it hit me pretty hard. The thought of spending one less year with everybody to include pets was what hit me most. I was only living in the moment for the last few weeks instead of looking forward at this deployment. It made it easier to just enjoy everyone's company. I think it helped Veronica too because there were not as many crying times as I thought there would be. She really surprised with how strong she has been this time around. I will miss her most of all. I was doing pretty good on the flight until the movie started..."Marley and Me". A sad movie about losing your dog and with Marley and Gage both being labs. It hits to close to home. The movie made me miss my pets too. Poor Meeks who will be mad at me for a long time. For those of you that don't know, she was my first pet and I am her favorite. If I have overnight duty or am gone for a few days then it takes her a few days to stop hissing at me. I know Flex, our other cat, will keep Veronica snuggled. It's the other thing he is good at. Eating is his greatest occurrence. He is a 20lb cat. I will miss Zoe looking at me with the sweetest eyes. Most of all, I will miss my wife. I guess I am going to have to find someone else to take care of me for a year. Jut kidding honey. I love you. I will try to keep everyone updated on here.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Ok
I have been on vacation. Not just the go out of town type of vacation. A mental vacation too. And it has been nice. Plus we got to go to Colorado, and it really snowed. I needed the snow. And I got to see my kick ass friends and (most of, sorry, Lil) their kids.
Dad is doing better. He was released from the hospital in Florida last week and the angel, Daryll, brought him home. My turn is coming. I think Dad will be coming to spend some time with me here in El Paso for a little while. And why not? With Sheldon deploying for an undisclosed amount of months and Brittany soon to depart for the Air Force, a girl could get lonely out here in the desert without her people. Besides, I am sure he misses his grand-dogs. Who wouldn't?
Sheldon was supposed to leave this Sunday (in 2 and a half days) but found out yesterday that they are not leaving til mid-May. Hell-Yeah! a million times, Hell-Yeah! F-bomb expletive, Hell-Yeah! Sorry, I'll get down off the desk and finsh.
So things were bad, and they got a little better. What more can you ask for? Besides a winning Lotto ticket... I'll settle for any amount for decent news these days though.
Love, V
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