The Art of Being Selfish

My sister and I got in a huge fight once (please keep your snide comments about how we always fight to yourself, we are trying to grow up and recover) and she told me I was the Most Selfish Person Ever. Ever. I think a normal person would counter that accusation with a five-year-old's response, "Am Not!"

I didn't.

I mean, come on, I was single. Actually, I had been divorced for many years at that time, which is worse than just being single, in my mind, anyway... Marcey was married with three kids of her own and a step-son already, and despite the fact that we are only 15 months apart in age, she had recently crossed over into the darkness of her 30's and I was going to forever be 20 something.

I wish.

I really was a very selfish person at that time. But how is that bad? I lived the single life, I was very far away from any family, I worked and went to school and had hobbies and crazy friendships and boyfriends. Duh, of course I was selfish. Who else was I to focus on? Sometimes it is a bit harder to find yourself than to lose your identity to your husband and children. I never did blame my sister for thinking or saying that aloud because, compared to her, I was selfish. But just because it looks like fun to others doesn't mean that it is. Well, some of it was fun, some of it was rather lonely though.

Then suddenly I wasn't lonely... I mean, selfish, anymore!

I have to say that I love my husband and I love being married and, although we long for our own kids, I do enjoy the freedoms of being childless. I enjoy devoting all of my relationship energy on our marriage, I realize not everyone has that luxury, not even after their children are long gone from the nest. (I hear you are never really rid of them kritters.) So I suppose, in a way, I am still rather selfish.

But not really.

With Sheldon deployed I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't have any money, with the whole lack-of-a-job thing, but we can all use a little more cash these days. I think everyone wishes they had more time or more money and maybe they'd do more for others. Maybe they would try to take care of those who need a little extra help? Maybe they'd lose a little bit of their own hair by trying to reason with someone else's teenager? Maybe they'd hug and kiss on other peoples' babies even though it hurts to do so? Maybe they'd volunteer to pass out cookies at the USO? Maybe they'd take a whole morning, an entire afternoon or sit well into the evening sipping coffee with an old friend? or a new friend? Maybe they'd make a real sacrifice and drink a really great beer instead? Maybe they'd go on a 5,000 mile road trip and try to visit as many friends and family as they could before they were out of time and money? Before they had get home to take care of cats and worry about things that aren't helped by worry?

Or maybe Not.

Maybe they'll just sit at home and be selfish. And suck.

confidential p.s. : It is called a different time zone. 6 am for you is 4 am for me. Don't ever text me that early again. Ever. Thanks.

So sad the trip has ended...

I wish I was better about updating about my trip across the country. I still can't believe I did it! I went nearly 5,000 miles by myself (yes, I got the oil changed, honey) with almost no back tracking. As you know from the previous blog, I spent a glorious week in Denver, four stunning days in Cedar Rapids, and another fun filled week in Detroit with the best in-laws ever. Carole, my mother-in-law, Crystal, Sheldon's sister, and her two wonderful kids kept me well entertained when I was not entertaining them... Crystal wanted me to openly admit, in my own blog, to ripping her stupid midget door off its hinges and falling down the stairs with it IN MY HANDS... maybe she can hire a contractor to get that fixed... maybe not the same shoddy husband/contractor that hung the door in the first place (Jason!) whatev, just an idea. I might have been a bit drunk when all of this happened, that is all I remember. Oh, except the part where I was so mortified I almost cried and they laughed at me, in my face. Nice. When I was not shattering their home I was helping to decorate for, my niece, Madison's first birthday party. They scored a perfect white canopy tent for the back yard cookout party and I have to say the day was wonderful and perfect. And Madison ate her whole entire cake and didn't get any icing on her white dress that Uncle Sheldon bought for her. Everyone missed him that day and wished he could have been there, especially me. Our nephew Alex would have loved throwing Uncle Sheldon in the pool too.

I made a pit stop in Clarksville, TN to see our property out there. After a pipe busting fiasco this past winter we had nearly all of the walls and flooring replaced and that sucker is about ready to be put on the market. I got to have lunch with an old friend of mine from Recruiting School, Joe Morra and he offered to help with getting the yard and outside of the house a little TLC. That was sweet and then I high tailed it out of there. I never did like Clarksville. With the home state mere hours away, I blazed through Nashville without stopping. Nadeen, my oldest and very best, most cherished friend of my life had left her porch light on for me out by the lake...

My nearly two week stay in Georgia was spent between between Nadeen's, my double cousins, Brandee and Breanna's house in Norcross, Dad's in Snellville and the Skank Motel (it is a joke) in Columbus. I was not as efficent with my time as I could have been, it was a little overwhelming to be home and know that I had such a precious few days to do and see everything I wanted to do. Some of the highlights were going to my favorite Thai place with the girls in Columbus, of course I had an amazing dinner at Hunter's Pub (duh!) I got to see the Columbus cousins, Christopher, Selena & Ritchie, Kaleigh, Kourney, Loni & Danny, Jaden, Laena, and Karina. Ugh, I just love them so much! My heart just aches for having precious time with my wonderful extended family. I miss living down the road from you guys. You have no idea. I got to spend a little bit of quality time with the Norcross cousins as well. Quality time that included listening to Brandee scream at Big Brother and So You Think You Can Dance! We also got to go eat at our favorite noodle place. Nadeen had a cookout at the lake and it was a mini reunion for us with Cheryl (Tobin) Ingles and Stef (Seagle) Whitlock and their families. A day at the lake (just like when we were kids) was exactly what we all needed before they all headed back to school. We even got to abuse the kids a bit by dragging them behind the boat... Fun Day!

Dad is doing better, health wise, for all who have asked (thanks!) He is a lot more mobile and getting stronger. He still has a bit of a struggle with word associations and a few names (whose fault is it your named your twin sons Daniel and Daryll?) need a second or two to remember. I tried to have a yard sale for him, but it was kind of a bust. So we gave up and went to a BBQ at Daniel's farm house in Cumming on the last day of my visit. My brothers know a thing or two about some cookin' (and ladies, they are single...) Man, I mean, they can flat cook! Mom would be proud. That is all I am going to say about that... (it was real good!) My brothers and I had been used to being geographically distant while they were growing up, but yet again, I got spoiled living so close to them for the past few years. I hate saying goodbye to them, I really do.

I spent one last night in Gainesville with Nadeen and Mark before getting up early to drive back to Texas. Turns out, that was a good idea. With plenty of rest I powered through to Dallas, slept a couple hours at a rest stop, and made it back to El Paso in under 28 hours total. Not bad. Now that I am here, I am remembering how quiet and lonely it is. But the cats missed me, the dogs missed their yard that was over grown with weeds, and I know it is my job to hold down the Fort.
Fort Jones.
Home Sweet Home.
(I LOVE MY BED!!!)
Maybe I'll get one of those actual real JOBS...

V