The Art of Being Selfish

My sister and I got in a huge fight once (please keep your snide comments about how we always fight to yourself, we are trying to grow up and recover) and she told me I was the Most Selfish Person Ever. Ever. I think a normal person would counter that accusation with a five-year-old's response, "Am Not!"

I didn't.

I mean, come on, I was single. Actually, I had been divorced for many years at that time, which is worse than just being single, in my mind, anyway... Marcey was married with three kids of her own and a step-son already, and despite the fact that we are only 15 months apart in age, she had recently crossed over into the darkness of her 30's and I was going to forever be 20 something.

I wish.

I really was a very selfish person at that time. But how is that bad? I lived the single life, I was very far away from any family, I worked and went to school and had hobbies and crazy friendships and boyfriends. Duh, of course I was selfish. Who else was I to focus on? Sometimes it is a bit harder to find yourself than to lose your identity to your husband and children. I never did blame my sister for thinking or saying that aloud because, compared to her, I was selfish. But just because it looks like fun to others doesn't mean that it is. Well, some of it was fun, some of it was rather lonely though.

Then suddenly I wasn't lonely... I mean, selfish, anymore!

I have to say that I love my husband and I love being married and, although we long for our own kids, I do enjoy the freedoms of being childless. I enjoy devoting all of my relationship energy on our marriage, I realize not everyone has that luxury, not even after their children are long gone from the nest. (I hear you are never really rid of them kritters.) So I suppose, in a way, I am still rather selfish.

But not really.

With Sheldon deployed I have a lot of time on my hands. I don't have any money, with the whole lack-of-a-job thing, but we can all use a little more cash these days. I think everyone wishes they had more time or more money and maybe they'd do more for others. Maybe they would try to take care of those who need a little extra help? Maybe they'd lose a little bit of their own hair by trying to reason with someone else's teenager? Maybe they'd hug and kiss on other peoples' babies even though it hurts to do so? Maybe they'd volunteer to pass out cookies at the USO? Maybe they'd take a whole morning, an entire afternoon or sit well into the evening sipping coffee with an old friend? or a new friend? Maybe they'd make a real sacrifice and drink a really great beer instead? Maybe they'd go on a 5,000 mile road trip and try to visit as many friends and family as they could before they were out of time and money? Before they had get home to take care of cats and worry about things that aren't helped by worry?

Or maybe Not.

Maybe they'll just sit at home and be selfish. And suck.

confidential p.s. : It is called a different time zone. 6 am for you is 4 am for me. Don't ever text me that early again. Ever. Thanks.